Helping Without Hurting: How to Support Your Adult Children Without Jeopardizing Your Financial Future
It’s a scene many adults know well: your grown child calls, stressed, overwhelmed, and in need of help. Maybe it’s a down payment on their first home, unexpected medical bills, or they’re between jobs and need a cushion. As a parent, your instinct is to step in. You’ve always been the safety net. But now, you’re retired, or close to it, and the numbers just don’t stretch like they used to.
So, how do you support your adult children without risking your own financial security? The answer isn’t always “yes” or “no”. It's finding the balance between generosity and good planning.
Start With Clear Boundaries and a Financial Check-In
Before saying yes to a request, take stock of your own financial plan. Do you have enough income to cover your needs for 25-30 years? Have you accounted for rising healthcare costs, inflation, and possible long-term care? Giving a large gift or even a small, recurring support without checking in on your own plan is like driving without checking if your gas tank is full.
We once worked with a couple in their late 60s who gave their son $50,000 to help open a business. Five years later, the business was gone, and so was the emergency fund they’d built over decades. If they had spoken with us beforehand, we could have helped them structure that gift more safely, perhaps using a loan with formal repayment terms or gifting in smaller stages based on business milestones.
Consider Creative Ways to Help
Supporting your kids doesn’t always mean writing a check. Perhaps consider:
Let them live at home rent-free for six months with clear expectations?
Help them draft a budget or connect with a credit counselor?
Offer childcare for your grandkids to reduce their expenses?
Co-sign a loan, only if your own financial risk is minimal?
Sometimes, guidance and time are more valuable than cash, and they don’t touch your retirement savings.
Use the Gift Tax Wisely, But Thoughtfully
Yes, you can give up to $19,000 per individual per year (as of 2025) without triggering gift tax reporting, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should. If you’re considering large gifts, talk through it with your Ecos Wealth Advisors first. We can help you understand the long-term impact on your retirement and whether it fits within your estate and tax planning strategy.
Remember: Your Security Helps Everyone
We often remind our clients that the best gift you can give your children is not becoming financially dependent on them later in life. Preserving your independence ensures your children won’t have to support you down the road, which could create more stress than a denied request today. Supporting adult children is a deeply personal decision. You deserve peace of mind and confidence in retirement, even as you help your family.
Thinking about gifting, helping with a home purchase, or just saying “yes” to a child’s request? We’ll help you evaluate the impact, explore alternatives, and ensure your financial future stays strong and ensure your financial future stays just as strong as your love for your children.